It's Official

Finally.....Immigration pulled through, I was able to import my man (for a mere $6 USD at the border!), and we got married a little over a week later. What a summer.

I'll post some photos soon to the website - once I get more photos in, and also after some kind soul teaches me how to post photos to the site. I am so html-illiterate.

He's super cute, and he cooks!!! It's quite a transition going from eating dinner when I remembered (and that usually consisted of cookies or something) to having dinner already made when I get home!!! Is this what husbands feel like?

We're plowing ahead...

Wedding plans are now officially in full swing. We've been holding off somewhat until we had a better idea on the likelihood of getting his visa *before* the date we had set, and after a very positive phone call I had late Friday with my contact at my Senator's office, we have decided to move forward with our September date and keep our fingers crossed. Even though it's still a big unknown, just having made a decision on this has made me feel better.

For several weeks I've been wavering between making a decision to keep with our date out of faith, or making a decision on conventional wisdom to postpone. We weren't even supposed to get word of Homeland Security's approval for our visa application until the 15th of August at the absolute earliest. After making a call into my Congressman's office several weeks ago, we got approval on our application one week later, less than 60 days after applying! This is unheard of, according to everyone I've talked to who works closely with visas. Now we have two more departments that need to process and clear our application, and several hundred more dollars before we can have the visa in hand and get him across the border. So at this point, we've decided to head right into it, counting on God to move the government and get the visa processed quickly.

Weddings are such a pain to plan. I really don't see what most brides get all worked up about. I'm just excited to *be* married. I could do without all the hoopla. But the girl side of me does want a little of the excitement - I *am* getting married, afterall. Whether people are less excited about a wedding past the prime wedding years, or if it's just a product of being on my own for so long and doing everything on my own, it's hard to say. As a single person, you learn to get used to not having a huge deal made about milestones, since you don't have a built-in person who's required to plan things. So I'm finding myself sometimes struggling with expectations, and reminding myself to stay focused on the things I need to stay focused on. I'm learning a lot about needing to ask people to get involved in things that are important for me not to do alone. It also helps remind me that people's support for our marriage goes beyond the ceremony and the cake. I know the real test is after we're married, but I need to ask for people to get involved now too.

my newest brilliant plan

Recently, I've been thinking...wouldn't it be cool to have kids with names that are all palindromes? A lot of people do the common theme with the names of their kids - all names starting with the same letter, or all have middle names that are in the family. But who has kids with names that are spelled the same forwards and backwards??

You start with Mom and Dad - already palindromes! So here are the kids' names I've come up with so far... Please add your suggestions to the pool so I'm adequately prepared once the kids start coming.

Girls:
Ana or Anna
Hannah
Barbra B.
Lil

Boys:
Bob
Race Car
Abba

Another option is to spell the last name backwards for an instant first name! This only works with one kid though.

we need more holidays here...

Ok, so I haven't done formal research on this, but it seems like every other country in the western world has way more holidays than we do. Is there a reason why we haven't been smarter about enacting more national holidays?

The first holiday I'd add is July the 5th. Just extend the current day celebrating our independence to include the day after as well. Seriously...they don't start fireworks until after 9pm. That lasts, what, an hour? Then you shoot off some of your own fireworks. You make it home, and look - the NEIGHBORS are still shooting off fireworks. Loud fireworks. It's impossible to fall asleep when loud things are exploding right outside your windows.

I'm sure someone out there has calculated the exact dollar amount of lost productivity when the nation shuts down for a day. But what about the benefit of giving people adequate time off for rest? What's the advantage of that in dollars? How productive is everyone today, when we're all groggily trying to work?

language barriers

I was talking last night to my guy, who happens to live elsewhere. There are some words, we have found, that exist in his world, but not in mine. Last night, we found one in mine that was a mystery to him.

I was telling him about something taking place at the natatorium. He asks me, 'is that what they call it? The natatorium? That's a funny name for a pool.' I went on to explain that 'natatorium' is a generic word for an indoor pool facility. So he goes, 'oh. Here we just call it "the pool".'

Earlier in the conversation, he was more quiet than usual, so I asked if he was sleepy. He paused, then answered, 'no, I'm just tired.' After laughing, I asked if there was a difference between the two. Apparently there is, and all these years I've been using them interchangeably. Shame on ME.

on shopping in a grocery store...

I recently realized that I have a whole philosophy on shopping for groceries. I'm completely in 'the zone' when at the grocery store. I LOVE grocery shopping. I love looking at things, I love saving money with double coupons and in-store specials. I laugh this little evil laugh when I pick up toothpaste that's on sale in the store for a dollar, and I have a dollar-off coupon that they double. They PAY ME A DOLLAR to take the toothpaste home!!!

But...when I'm at the grocery store and in my zone, I have an assumption that people will leave me alone. The grocery store is sanctuary for me in which I can be all by myself, blissfully looking and buying and dreaming of what I'll create with food ingredients. People should not talk to me. I don't even LOOK at passersby at the grocery store. I really like to be in my own little world there. I like it and anticipate it so much that the grocery is one of the very few places I'll go on a random Saturday looking like crap. Who cares what I look like, I'm not going there to actually SEE anyone. I'll put on a hat and glasses with no make-up, and even dressed frumpy. Somehow this 'disguise' fakes me into thinking no one will recognize me if they do know me. My zone at the grocery is a sacred space that should not be infringed upon by outside people. I'll even use the self-checkout line so I don't have to interact with others.

One of my closest friends is the exact same way about the grocery store. It was a hilarious discovery when we started talking about it one day. Her husband doesn't understand it at all, but she and I are so on the same page. We were trying to figure it out the other day - is it an introvert thing? Is that why we are so protective of that space and experience? Hmm, interesting.

figuring out God's will...

This has been an ongoing question of mine: how do you determine what God's will is in a situation? How many times have I sought that when trying to make a decision that changed something big in my life.

Now again, I'm wondering. I think you just kind of know when you know. But it's easy to miss it, or to fake yourself into thinking YOUR plan is God's will, citing your own altruistic motivations or whatever.

The best way I know how to go about a problem that needs solving is by logic. So I'm using my logic, added with faith and intuition. But even this mixture seems to be a shoddy methodology. I was challenged yesterday though that I shouldn't limit God in assuming He can't reveal things to me by logic. Logic isn't always bad in determining solutions to big issues that are based on a lot of faith maybe.

But even in my logic, my obvious bias comes out screaming. I can much more easily come up with logic that supports MY plan. I wish I could somehow render myself completely without bias.

I'm getting better at being patient for everything to be revealed. But I still doubt sometimes that I can see God's will through all the film over my eyes.

the 'nice guy' and the 'not-the-right-guy-for-me guy' compared

This theory of mine came to fruition this summer out of my struggle with these two types of guys. Guys don't nicely fit into one category or the other, so bear with me. I'm also not suggesting all guys are summed up by these two groupings. I just chose to compare one to the other.

First, the nice guy... He establishes a friendship first. He's respectful of women. He doesn't idealize you, he doesn't value your physical attributes over your intellectual assets. He'll never ogle you.

Second, the not-the-right-guy-for-me guy. He's not necessarily a bad guy, he's just not the right one, for whatever reason. He is very clear in his motives; friendship is not what he's after. He will idealize your physical attributes till the sun goes down, and he's not shy about vocalizing that. Respect may be present with this guy, but it's not at all the same kind of respect the nice guy has. The NTRGFM guy, if he has respect, it's more of an idealized thing - he has you on a pedestal. This guy will not try to get to know you in order to figure out who you are as a whole. He wants to keep you at a distance so whatever it is that makes you so ideal STAYS ideal.

So here's the dilemma: assuming that you have finally, after years of anguish, finally gotten to the point of considering the nice guy as a potential significant other...assuming this, the nice guy will not pursue! The nice guy, and for reasons I have not yet figured out, will not ask you out. If he does, he's all timid about it, and by the look on his face, he's non-verbally telling you he believes you'll say no, so go right ahead and dash his hopes. That, or he asks and then downplays the date. (I once had a 'date' with a nice guy - afternoon coffee - and he brought a friend. I felt so defeated that there had to be a chaperone involved!)

The NTRGFM guy, on the other hand, ogles and ogles. He may not be outright asking for a date, but everything about his interactions with you are obvious that he's pursuing. He's relentless. He's persistent. He doesn't give up no matter how many times you blow him off.

The thing that stinks is, you KNOW the latter is not right for you. You KNOW it, and you blow the guy off, but by being persistent, he gets stuck in your head. After a while, you start doubting yourself. Maybe you were being too harsh in your judgement of him. Maybe, since this is really the only guy pursuing you, this is what you should take. And you may be lonely. So all of a sudden, even though you know this is not the right guy, in your weakness, you've been worn down. He makes you feel beautiful. The nice guy, after lots of time (you definitely have to be dating the nice guy for a WHILE first), makes you feel cute. But cute is just so.....girl, not woman.

Why can't the nice guy be more persistent? Why can't he pursue more confidently? What is holding him back from making the first move?

It's so frustrating really, to be in the position of wanting the nice guy, but not ever getting him because the nice guy doesn't want to ruin the friendship, or risk rejection, or whatever it is. To top it off, I'm not a pursuer. I've never asked a guy out, and never plan to. Initiative from the guy is important to me. Even if I were a pursuer, nice guys get a little freaked out by that. So there's no winning anyway you go about it.

What's the solution to this mess?

Am I the only one freaking out here??

What I want to know is how all my friends who've already turned the dreaded age of thirty did it so well. No one seemed to be afraid of it or even broke out into hives. I looked back in my journal the other day to an entry at the beginning of 2004, already dreading this birthday. I've been mourning my twenties for an entire year. Am I the only one that is freaked out about this?

What is there to celebrate? That I'm officially and unequivocally an adult, and perhaps the most boring of all the ages? People usually turn 'old' in their thirties. This is the decade when women stop caring about the way they look, and get stuck wearing floral jumpers and dresses that fit like sacks. They wear sweatshirts with kitties playing with balls of yarn, and their hair goes shapeless and gray.

I don't want this. I don't want to be vain either, but small floral patterns and kitties -- ick. Maybe I'll be lucky and I WILL get eaten by a shark in a couple weeks!!

I just wish I could skip directly to my forties. Women in their forties seem to have a lot more wisdom, and be much more sure of themselves. Forget 'thirty and flirty and thriving'. I'll gladly leave this decade for someone else to contend with.

I made another blog...

Ok, so in the high school realm, they call these 'live journals' rather than blogs. They are the most technologically advanced generation, so why can't they use the most techie terminology? I'm working on them...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/chicossonolor/1919.html

my fifth grade teacher may have been right

Well after dark one night when I was in the fifth grade, on the bus ride back from a skating party, two friends and I were sitting together talking. What we were talking about I don't remember. But what I do remember was what my teacher, sitting in the seat in front of us, said to us. Everything about that moment made my little fifth grade self know that this sagely advice was something I should remember, and it was forever inked onto my brain.

She turned backwards in her seat, and looking deeply at us said that boys wouldn't be interested in us like they would other girls. She said that they didn't value intelligence as much as appearance. She wanted us to be prepared for the cold, cruel world of relating to men.

And so it was, I had to learn to relate to boys not based as much on who I was as what I looked like. Flirting was a must (what is flirting but acting all fake just to attract a guy?!). The only acceptable way brains could be conveyed to boys was through wit and sarcasm, the universal language.

I read the article "Men Just Want Mommy" in the New York Times today. The article reports a study that was recently done in England found that, "smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise."

So basically, if you're a smartie and a woman, your only hope for marriage is brain damage that lessens your intelligence, making you more desirable to men.

Look! Carrie Fisher, a timeless sex symbol for my male counterparts when she played Princess Leia in Star Wars, agrees! The irony, that SHE, of ALL of us, would have dating woes! Here's what Carrie says, quoted in the same article: "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."

See, looking with realism at the facts is frustrating. And the more we show our frustration, the more we're labeled angry feminists or a dozen other such things. Why does it have to be this way?!!

Creativity in Survival

The first night of our ice-induced power outage I decided to stay home for the adventure of it. I had over thirty candles lit, and the oven provided a little heat while I roasted a turkey I'd been thawing. I used borrowed coolers to pack up the contents of my fridge, then the coolers lived in my car for the next few days. I was afraid someone in my neighborhood would steal them from my front porch, and also feared how using my porch as a makeshift fridge might shift my placement on the white trash continuum.

When I awoke the next morning, cold and migrainey, the adventure ceased to be fun. My cold bed wasn't terribly inviting, and the world outside of my bed was even more cruel. Getting ready for work by candlelight wasn't amusing either. That was it! I was abandoning ship and staying elsewhere until power was restored.

Lunch was great though that day at work. I just went out to my car, grabbed some turkey and a jar of fancy mustard, and voile! Instant meal!

It was fun to see how other people survived the blackout too. One of my friends used his camp stove to reheat some chili. He used a meat tenderizer to grind coffee beans then brewed it in a percolator on the camp stove.

Other people brought their essential little devices to work to charge, and took showers at church or friends' houses, and the fireplace became their oven/heat source/entertainment.

Craziness! Thank God for electricity!!

My First BlogPost!!

Ahh, I've entered the blogosphere! How exciting.

This morning, due to an unexpected power outage from an ice storm, I didn't wake up until 9am. Usually at work by this time, I grabbed my phone and called work to explain. You know when you just wake up, but you're not fully awake yet, and your conversational filters haven't kicked in? Yeah, I realized after hanging up with the receptionist that I should have waited a few minutes before dialing.

I got ready as fast as I could without power and drove as quickly as I could to work. When I got there, the receptionist told me that before I'd called, she thought I was already there since she'd seen my car outside. See, just yesterday a girl started working here who drives the same car as me. Yesterday I thought this would result in a bitter, all-out car turf war. Today....a George Costanza plan started forming. If they THINK I'm at work because they see my CAR outside, I can work it so I rarely come into the OFFICE!! This is GENIUS!

Ok, so I'm watching far too much Seinfeld these days. But there still may be something to this plan...