I recently realized that I have a whole philosophy on shopping for groceries. I'm completely in 'the zone' when at the grocery store. I LOVE grocery shopping. I love looking at things, I love saving money with double coupons and in-store specials. I laugh this little evil laugh when I pick up toothpaste that's on sale in the store for a dollar, and I have a dollar-off coupon that they double. They PAY ME A DOLLAR to take the toothpaste home!!!
But...when I'm at the grocery store and in my zone, I have an assumption that people will leave me alone. The grocery store is sanctuary for me in which I can be all by myself, blissfully looking and buying and dreaming of what I'll create with food ingredients. People should not talk to me. I don't even LOOK at passersby at the grocery store. I really like to be in my own little world there. I like it and anticipate it so much that the grocery is one of the very few places I'll go on a random Saturday looking like crap. Who cares what I look like, I'm not going there to actually SEE anyone. I'll put on a hat and glasses with no make-up, and even dressed frumpy. Somehow this 'disguise' fakes me into thinking no one will recognize me if they do know me. My zone at the grocery is a sacred space that should not be infringed upon by outside people. I'll even use the self-checkout line so I don't have to interact with others.
One of my closest friends is the exact same way about the grocery store. It was a hilarious discovery when we started talking about it one day. Her husband doesn't understand it at all, but she and I are so on the same page. We were trying to figure it out the other day - is it an introvert thing? Is that why we are so protective of that space and experience? Hmm, interesting.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
figuring out God's will...
This has been an ongoing question of mine: how do you determine what God's will is in a situation? How many times have I sought that when trying to make a decision that changed something big in my life.
Now again, I'm wondering. I think you just kind of know when you know. But it's easy to miss it, or to fake yourself into thinking YOUR plan is God's will, citing your own altruistic motivations or whatever.
The best way I know how to go about a problem that needs solving is by logic. So I'm using my logic, added with faith and intuition. But even this mixture seems to be a shoddy methodology. I was challenged yesterday though that I shouldn't limit God in assuming He can't reveal things to me by logic. Logic isn't always bad in determining solutions to big issues that are based on a lot of faith maybe.
But even in my logic, my obvious bias comes out screaming. I can much more easily come up with logic that supports MY plan. I wish I could somehow render myself completely without bias.
I'm getting better at being patient for everything to be revealed. But I still doubt sometimes that I can see God's will through all the film over my eyes.
Now again, I'm wondering. I think you just kind of know when you know. But it's easy to miss it, or to fake yourself into thinking YOUR plan is God's will, citing your own altruistic motivations or whatever.
The best way I know how to go about a problem that needs solving is by logic. So I'm using my logic, added with faith and intuition. But even this mixture seems to be a shoddy methodology. I was challenged yesterday though that I shouldn't limit God in assuming He can't reveal things to me by logic. Logic isn't always bad in determining solutions to big issues that are based on a lot of faith maybe.
But even in my logic, my obvious bias comes out screaming. I can much more easily come up with logic that supports MY plan. I wish I could somehow render myself completely without bias.
I'm getting better at being patient for everything to be revealed. But I still doubt sometimes that I can see God's will through all the film over my eyes.
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